How to Write an Obituary

You're probably reading this during one of the worst weeks of your life. Someone you love has died, and now — among dozens of impossible tasks — you need to write something that captures who they were. In a few hundred words.

That's a brutal assignment. And you're expected to do it while grieving, while fielding phone calls, while making decisions about caskets and flowers and who's bringing what to the house.

So here's what I want you to know: you can do this. You don't need to be a writer. You don't need to be poetic. You just need to tell the truth about someone you loved, and that's something only you can do.

I've helped hundreds of families write obituaries over the years. Some were for 95-year-old grandmothers who lived full, expected lives. Some were for teenagers. Every single time, the family worried they'd get it wrong. Every single time, they got it right — because they wrote from what they knew.

This guide will walk you through the whole process. Start to finish. With real examples you can borrow from and a checklist you can print out.

Before You Start Writing

Don't sit down at a blank screen and try to write. That's a recipe for staring at a cursor for 45 minutes. Instead, spend 10 minutes gathering.

Gather the facts first

Pull together the basics before you write a single word:

• Full legal name (including maiden name, if applicable)
• Date and place of birth
• Date and place of death
• Names of surviving family members
• Names of predeceased family members
• Service details — date, time, location
• Preferred memorial donations or flower requests

Having these written down before you start means you won't keep breaking your writing flow to look things up or text your aunt.

Talk to people who knew them differently

You knew one version of this person. Their coworker knew another. Their childhood friend knew another. A five-minute phone call to someone outside your household can surface a detail — a nickname, a habit, a story — that makes the whole obituary come alive.

One family I worked with called their father's fishing buddy. He mentioned that their dad always threw back the first fish he caught, every single trip, as a kind of superstition. That detail made the obituary. Nobody in the family had known about it.

What to Include in an Obituary

There's no official format. No obituary police. But there's a structure that works, and most published obituaries follow some version of it. Here's what to include:

The essentials

• Full name — Include the name they went by if it was different. "Margaret 'Peggy' O'Brien" tells you something a legal name alone doesn't.
• Age at death
• Date and place of death — You can be vague if you prefer: "at home, surrounded by family" or "at Memorial Hospital."
• Date and place of birth
• Survived by — Spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings. List them by name.
• Predeceased by — Parents, spouse, siblings, children who died before them.
• Service information — Viewing, funeral, memorial, burial. Dates, times, addresses.

The parts that make it human

• Education and career — Not a résumé. A sentence or two about what they did and whether they loved it.
• Military service — Branch, years, rank, deployments. Veterans' families almost always want this included.
• Passions and hobbies — What did they do with their free time? What would you find them doing on a Saturday?
• Personality — Were they quiet? Loud? Funny? Stubborn? Generous to a fault? This is what people actually remember.
• A specific story or detail — One concrete moment that captures who they were. This is the hardest part and the most important.
• Memorial donations — "In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to..." with an organization name and link.

Step-by-Step: Writing the Obituary

Here's the process I recommend. It takes about an hour, sometimes less.

Step 1: Write the announcement sentence

Start with the facts. One or two sentences. Who died, when, where, and at what age.

That's it. Don't overthink it. The opening just needs to be clear.

Step 2: Write about their early life

Where were they born? Where did they grow up? One or two sentences about their childhood — even something small. "He grew up on a dairy farm outside of Decorah" paints a picture. "He was born in Iowa" doesn't.

Step 3: Cover the middle chapters

Education, career, marriage, military service — whatever shaped their adult life. You're not writing a biography. You're hitting the highlights.

A good test: if someone who'd never met them read this section, would they get a sense of how this person spent their days?

Step 4: Write about who they were, not just what they did

This is where most obituaries either come alive or fall flat. The difference between a forgettable obituary and one that makes people cry at the breakfast table is specificity.

Vague: "He loved his family and enjoyed spending time outdoors."

Specific: "He coached all three of his kids' little league teams, even the year he was doing chemo. He never missed a Saturday morning at Lake Darling with his tackle box and a thermos of gas-station coffee."

The vague version could describe ten million people. The specific version describes exactly one.

Step 5: List family members

Name the survivors. Name those who preceded them in death. Use consistent format. Check the spelling of every name — this matters more than you think. People keep obituaries forever.

Step 6: Add service details

Date, time, location for each event — visitation, funeral, burial, reception. Include the full address. People will be copying this into their GPS.

Step 7: Read it out loud

This is the step people skip, and it's the most important one. Reading out loud catches awkward phrasing, run-on sentences, and missing details that your eyes skip over on screen. If you stumble while reading a sentence, rewrite that sentence.

3 Example Obituaries You Can Use as Templates

These are fictional, but they're modeled on real obituaries I've helped families write. Feel free to borrow any structure, phrasing, or approach that fits your situation.

Example 1: Traditional obituary (older adult, natural death)

Example 2: Warm and personal (middle-aged, unexpected death)

Example 3: Short and simple (when you need something brief)

The Complete Obituary Checklist

Print this out. Check things off as you go. It will save you from the 2 a.m. realization that you forgot to include the burial location.

Mistakes People Make (and How to Avoid Them)

After years of working with families on obituaries, I see the same mistakes repeat. None of them are catastrophic, but they're all avoidable.

Writing a résumé instead of a remembrance

The most common problem. The obituary lists every job, every degree, every organization — and says nothing about who the person actually was. Nobody reads an obituary to learn someone's employment history. They read it to understand a life. Lead with the human stuff. The résumé details can be supporting facts.

Forgetting someone in the family list

This one causes real pain. An overlooked grandchild or a stepchild left off the "survived by" list can create a wound that lasts for years. Before you finalize, send the family list to at least two relatives and ask them to confirm it's complete.

Not including the full address of the service

You know where First Presbyterian Church is. Your cousin from three states away does not. Include the full street address for every service location. People will be driving to these places during one of the worst days of their lives — don't make them search for directions too.

Using euphemisms that obscure meaning

"Gained her angel wings" or "went to be with the Lord" — these are fine if they reflect the person's beliefs. But some obituaries get so wrapped in metaphor that you can't actually tell what happened. Make sure the basics are clear: who died, when, where.

Rushing to publish

There's pressure to get the obituary out quickly, especially if you need to announce services. But a published obituary is permanent. Take an extra hour. Read it one more time. Have someone proofread for typos, because you are too close to the text to see them.

Not asking what the person would have wanted

Some people want a formal, dignified obituary. Others would have wanted something funny. A man I worked with last year asked his family to write in his obituary that he "finally got out of jury duty." It was perfect for him. Think about the person's personality and write something they'd recognize as theirs.

Where to Publish an Obituary

You have more options than you might think:

• Newspaper — Still the traditional choice, especially for older generations. Costs vary widely: $200–$1,500+ depending on the paper, length, and whether you include a photo. Call the obituary desk directly; most papers have a dedicated line.
• Funeral home website — Most funeral homes post obituaries on their site for free. It's standard practice.
• Online obituary sites — Sites like OfficialObituary.com let you create and publish a memorial page for free, with features like guestbooks, photo galleries, and easy sharing. No word limits, no per-line charges.
• Social media — Many families also share on Facebook, which reaches people who might not check the newspaper. But this shouldn't replace a permanent memorial page.

Most families today do a combination: newspaper for the local community, plus an online memorial for broader reach and long-term preservation.

Frequently Asked Questions